Ok, Guys, I've let you down. I promised an anything and everything blog full of breaking social norms, bodily functions; essentially the things you wouldn't mention to your Grandmother but it would be really funny to. And I realise that this is only the 3rd blog in so it's not like I've gone completely off track but I know myself well and for all my virtues, I'm not much of a starter-finisher. So we'll have a go :)
Firstly, as I write this now you have my solemn vow (although I'm not sure that's entirely necessary) that I am freshly showered, smelling lovely and just all the wonderful lady-like things one is expected to be [ side note: Have you ever noticed that a lot of the words that are describing what's 'feminine' are pretty pointless as they're just variations of female terms. Like 'Ladylike' and 'Girly' what does that even mean?! ] But I digress...the reason I tell you that I have showered is that an hour ago I couldn't have (without being a filthy liar - hehe pun) or yesterday, or the day before, or the day before that. You see, kids, being the massive skank that I am, I have not showered since thursday, today is monday. That's 5 days inclusive. And I didn't even realise this until yesterday when I noticed my hair was slightly greasy and decided to work out how long it had been. I was slightly shocked, but did I even shower that day? No. I couldn't be arsed.
The problem is that a few months ago I did this thing called 'The Water Challenge' which was set up by a charity called Tearfund, raising awareness of the issues of water and sanitation in the poorer parts of the world. Put simply, I lived for a week like someone would do in Africa, on only 10 litres of water a day. To give you a quick sense of perspective, in the west we tend to do 200 litres a day, 10 litres is like a minute in a power shower. So I didn't shower for a week (among other things like sticking to oven food and not using the washing machine) it wasn't pleasant, but I realised something. Aside from realising the incredible struggles that people go through every day for something as easy for us as pressing a button or turning a tap, on a more trivial note, I seem to have a very good natural body odour. So good in fact that some people didn't really notice my seven-day showerless stint. I even asked my friend - cue fake name invention with minimum thought - Jamie, who I can always trust to give her honest opinion (I love people like that!) how terrible I smelled and even she said she couldn't really tell.
The problem that I have, among many other vices that, don't worry, I am aware of, is that I'm completely lazy. Seriously. They should give me an award. Once, 'Hannah' and 'Jake' eg. best friend and boyfriend drove up for hours to visit me at uni and I didn't manage to get dressed before they got to me...at 8pm... So I am aware what being able to miss the odd 4 showers and get away with it means, I will do that. A lot. Don't judge me.
And when you think about it (albeit possibly stretching this too far to justify my disgusting ways) why not? I go to this christian Music festival every year, called Momentum, camping with my lovely churchy friends and the boys shower every day. At a festival. In a field. Do the girls? No. They call us skanky, and they may have a point, but for guys its a 5 minute shower, bit of hair gel and they're good to go. My boyfriend doesn't even use shampoo. For a girl it's shampoo, condition, shave, shower gel, maybe a cheeky foot pumice...and then trying to tame long wet hair into submission, let alone making it all pretty and dry, takes at least 45 minutes. Meanwhile the boys are off gallavanting and we're still stuck in the tent, trying to defy the laws of hair maintenance and, even physics, to attempt becoming goddesses with 4 kirby grips and a tin of mousse. It's not worth it. Life's too short. Pass me the dry shampoo and a baby wipe.
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