Revenge of the Fart Flushers

Well, we're only 6 blogs in and I've already become controversial! How many cool writer points do I get? Check me out! (Boo, I've probably just lost some there, haven't I? Brilliant.) Apparently, my lovely cousin...Pimms (which by the way is a brilliant fake name for her as she's been known to enjoy a beverage or two) was reading out my blog - specifically "Big Girls Don't Fart" - to her manfriend (who we'll call Pat...Or Pan. He knows why.) When she'd finished reading, she turned to him and he had a bit of an uncomfortable look on his face. She asked him what the matter was and he said - and I quote (ok, not quote but get as near to a quote as I can) - 'Well, it's really well written and really funny [yay me] ...but man, do I feel sorry for Jake.' 

It turns out that old Pat face is not a fan of the public fart. And not just female farting (which I suppose is a good thing as at least he's up for equality) but any farting of one human in front of another human. Ever. To the point which he will leave the room to fart, and expect Pimms to do the same. Even if he's a happily married man, he will never be comfortable enough to fart in front of his wife. This makes me sad.

And yet this is not even the biggest revelation to come out of that one little blog. Apart from the fact that I now know Pat doesn't like people to fart in front of him (and thus I try to do it as often as I can) I discovered, when telling this to my best friend Polly, that Polly is the same. But, further, Polly not only leaves the room to fart; she goes to the loo and flushes them! I have known, and been best friends with, Miss Polly Pepper for 6 years now and I never knew this about her. She claims she has never farted in front of me, or any of our friends, for the duration of our friendship. She had a boyfriend for 3 years and only farted in front of him once, and that was in her sleep. Polly and I have even shared a toilet before (not at the same time, but in the same cubicle. Just to clarify.) And yet she will not fart in front of me. She'll wee, but not fart. Madness. 


Needless to say, I do not condone this behaviour. Some of the bigger Star Wars loving (and frankly, more awesome) ones of you will have noticed the episode 3 reference in the title of this blog. For those of you lesser Star Wars buffs (philistines!) episode 3 is called Revenge of the Sith. The Sith are, essentially, the baddies in Star Wars. Remember this for future reference: Jedis = good, Sith = bad. This is how strongly I am against fart flushers. They are fart Sith and frankly ridiculous. I love Polly...and Pat's quite nice too...but if they carry on this ludicrous behaviour I might have to light saber their asses. I mean it. Now I just need to get me a light saber...