PDA: Public Displays of Annoyance

Hello Bloggies

I'm not going to lie to you, today's blog may be coming from a slightly irritable place. I've been up since 4am, in and out of the bathroom throwing up and what not, and thus I am a little bit, shall we say, cranky? I tell you this in the spirit of full disclosure, in case the rest of this blog sounds a bit harsh, I'm very sorry. I'm not bitter....


Now, let's put that out of our minds as we talk about, shockingly, something not related to bad personal hygiene (apparently it's been a bit 'fart heavy' recently - sorry guys). Let's talk about lurrrrrve. Or, more specifically, people in love, in my face. 

I consider myself quite a romantic person, not in a romcom cheese kind of way but, you know, the cool indie film kind of way. More like Juno and the TicTacs thing rather than The Notebook or something. This needs to be said so that you know, I'm not down on love. Or doing lovely romantic things together, or for each other. Or holding hands or cuddles - I love all that crap. What I do not love, however, is being able to see it. Unless it's my actual boyfriend in which case looking at the romantic stuff he does for me is probably mandatory...and lovely and stuff. 


My problem lies with PDA (Public Displays of Affection). To clarify, the term PDA accounts for snuggling, kissing, play fighting, and general 'acting in love' *salutes* (E.g. making 'isn't my boyfriend so dreamy?' eyes).  Also, as we do live in a technological age, I'd like to add in any lovey-dovey facebook wall posts to the mix. When you're saying 'I love my baby' *voms* on your status, OTHER PEOPLE CAN READ THAT. And they don't want to know! Tell your 'Baby' *voms again* in person, and by the way, don't do it in a secret couples 'code', we can all guess what you're saying and who you're saying it about. You're not James Bond.

Ok, this all sounds very bitter, but I have a plethora of reasons to 'have beef' as it were, with the PDA. For one, it's lame and icky and cheesy. Let me explain, I love to hear occasionally, my friends telling me the odd sweet thing that their boyfriend/girlfriend has done for them. It's nice to know that they're happy and in love and everything's grand. Otherwise I worry. Yet, to see it makes me want to stab them. We don't realise that when we're alone, all the lovely little in-jokes and ways of acting around each other seem cute and originial, in public, they're not. It's sickening. 


The second reason, and perhaps the least bitter and most sane one, is that there are very few occasions when you're in a group and everyone is a) in a good mood or b) young and in love. If you're single, and you're trying to have a conversation with your best friend whilst her boyfriend is licking her face, that's not fun! That's the opposite of fun for you. I have a friend who actively avoids spending time with certain couples, because seeing people all happy and settled just reminds her that she isn't. And if you're in a couple but, say, it's long distance or things aren't going well or you're just plain in a bad mood, you don't want to see that in front of you because it just feels like the world is showing off, and holding up a big neon sign that says "HEY! HEY! LOOK HOW MUCH IN LOVE WE ARE. WE'RE MORE IN LOVE BECAUSE WE'RE NOT AFRAID TO SHOW IT!" You're not, you're a pair of douche bags. 

Ok, maybe that bit was harsh...sorry...but the thing I've noticed is that couples are in 1 of 3 categories. They're either Pro PDA, Anti PDA or say they're anti PDA but actually they're just as bad as the first group. These people are the most annoying of all. My sister's fiance is the one who gave me the idea to do this blog. However, Blanche wanted me to do a pro one - she literally has no shame. Which is, you know, wonderful to see her all over my big sister. I love to see them make out, and call each other 'Baby' more times than Justin Bieber. Really. Blanche is in group 1. Grace, however, is in group 3. She is just as bad as Blanche, if not worse, but when she heard us discussing it she was like 'Oh yeah do one about Blanche. She's terrible' 


Believe it or not, I don't want to moan. I'm well aware that sometimes you don't know when you're doing it, or you'd act the same with anyone else so it doesn't feel like PDA or your lover person does something so amazingly wonderful that you have to show your appreciation there and then. I get that. We're only human. Just try and work out a way of being subtle or wait til you get home, and then we can all be friends and I won't have to shoot you in the face. Everyone wins.