Hey kids. How y'all doing?
Note to self: can't get away with country and western vibe. Let's move on, shall we?
As I am being dragged, reluctantly, into adulthood, there's this one social thing that I can't quite figure out. And as you know, I am usually a self-functioning normal person in society (ahem) but I just can't seem to get this right. So, I say we just get rid of the whole thing. What do you reckon? Ok, I'll tell you what it is first.
Greetings.
Say you're meeting someone for the first time, or someone you haven't seen for ages, or even, someone who you kind of know but don't really so every time you see them you have to do an official greeting every time. After you do the whole 'Hi I'm CJ.' 'Hi I'm Gladys' thing, or the 'Hey! How are youuuuu?' bit, I ask you, demand of you, WHAT DO YOU DO NEXT? There are so many options and none of them particularly appeal.
The handshake: too formal and (sorry mini-feminist who lives in my brain) girls can't pull off a handshake. It's weird. Then we have the hug: not formal enough for some people (I am not one of them. I am a hugger. A hug goblin if you will.) and a really good hug (which it would have to be because I am an excellent hugger and will not be deemed anything less, not by stranger nor friend) might be a bit up close and personal for people who haven't yet worked out I'm weird. And then there's the weird 'are we close enough friends to hug yet? We've never hugged before...' occurrence, which is even worse if one of you says 'Meh, Let's go for a hug!' and the other says 'Get off me, you weirdo.' Which has totally never happened to me...
But let's not even get started on the cheek kiss thing. We're not french, we're english. I don't say that to be racist. I quite like the french. Red Wine? Beret? Lovely. But english people can't pull it off, unless you're pretty posh/pretentious (which, admittedly, sometimes I like to have a go at) even then, do you go for one kiss, both cheeks? Repeat? What follows is a desperate, awkward head-butting session with a distant family member, and an even more awkward attempt to carry on as if nothing happened. I am not mature enough for the cheek kiss greeting, nor do I wish to allow it from anyone other than a well-meaning aunt. If we don't share genes, I don't want yours slobbered over my face. I know I have no social boundaries, but even if there're no lewd intentions, even if it's just your way of saying hi, if I wanted to kiss you, I would need dinner first. I am a lady (and pretty greedy). Otherwise, stay off of my face.
I feel like I should end by saying that I actually am a wonderful, approachable person. Darling, it's not you, it's me. And normally I hate rules. But we need some sort of legitimate system of recognising when to do what and with who (Bingo?) Or else, let's just chuck all the pleasantries out of the window and, if necessary, go for a high five.
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Saturday, 15 October 2011
Rise of the Kindness Ninjas
Hello Blog Friends :)
Ok, so a lot of the social boundaries that we've been breaking have been, how shall I say this, of a bit of the two-fingers-to-you-and-your-personal-hygiene variety. And that's great, expect a lot more of that. Trust me, we've only just begun. But this one is something genuinely close to my heart as something we need to get out there and change. We're trying to start a revolution here, guys, might as well make it a cool lovely one.
I don't know how many you of are, like myself, Jesus Nerds (that's both liking Jesus, and generally nerdy things, and combining the two to be a nerd about Jesus - it works on so many levels) but something that always comes up in church every now and again (and frankly, not enough) is this thing called 'Random acts of kindess'. Heard of it? Maybe not, and I'll tell you why.
The idea behind random acts of kindness is that, whether on behalf of the J-man or just to be quite nice, you do something unabashedly, unashamedly kind for someone. It could be someone you know or a stranger. You could give a chocolate bar to a homeless person, or do your housemate's washing up. Jesus told us to feed the poor, mourn with those who mourn and generally save the world, and Mark Twain told us 'The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up.' So, this is for Christians and Atheists alike. All in the name of spreading the joy and making the world just that little bit nicer. Lovely.
However, the thing that makes it EXTRA lovely (and let's be honest, completely awesome) is if it's done secretly and steathily so no one knows it's you. Hence, the rise of the Kindness Ninjas. Have you ever met anyone who's a ninja? No. And if you have, you don't realise it. Why? Because Ninjas are secretive and cool. Fact. Thus, my friends, we must become like ninjas in our pursuit of joy-spreading. Joey Tribiani once said there's no such thing as a selfless good deed, so we must do what Phoebe couldn't and prove him wrong. Take pride out of the equation. It also works if, like me, you're not too good at actually being nice to people because it's lame and squirmy. Problem solved.
And the reason Kindness Ninja-ing is breaking social boundaries is because people simply don't do it. I've been known to do a 'stealth lovely' and it's either gone completely unnoticed or people say 'who washed my car for me? That's creepy...' because people don't expect people to be nice for the sake of it, without anything in it for them. How sad is that? Doesn't that need changing?
So go forth, you bloggy hunks of beauty. Write a lovely note to a friend and post it anonymously, stop someone in the street and give them some flowers, you could even K-ninja it up for people in the developing world and switch your mum's tea bags for fairtrade ones and see if she notices (mine didn't, now there are happier people in Africa. That's a fact.) Just remember, be nice, but don't tell anyone. It's a secret...
Ok, so a lot of the social boundaries that we've been breaking have been, how shall I say this, of a bit of the two-fingers-to-you-and-your-personal-hygiene variety. And that's great, expect a lot more of that. Trust me, we've only just begun. But this one is something genuinely close to my heart as something we need to get out there and change. We're trying to start a revolution here, guys, might as well make it a cool lovely one.
I don't know how many you of are, like myself, Jesus Nerds (that's both liking Jesus, and generally nerdy things, and combining the two to be a nerd about Jesus - it works on so many levels) but something that always comes up in church every now and again (and frankly, not enough) is this thing called 'Random acts of kindess'. Heard of it? Maybe not, and I'll tell you why.
The idea behind random acts of kindness is that, whether on behalf of the J-man or just to be quite nice, you do something unabashedly, unashamedly kind for someone. It could be someone you know or a stranger. You could give a chocolate bar to a homeless person, or do your housemate's washing up. Jesus told us to feed the poor, mourn with those who mourn and generally save the world, and Mark Twain told us 'The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up.' So, this is for Christians and Atheists alike. All in the name of spreading the joy and making the world just that little bit nicer. Lovely.
However, the thing that makes it EXTRA lovely (and let's be honest, completely awesome) is if it's done secretly and steathily so no one knows it's you. Hence, the rise of the Kindness Ninjas. Have you ever met anyone who's a ninja? No. And if you have, you don't realise it. Why? Because Ninjas are secretive and cool. Fact. Thus, my friends, we must become like ninjas in our pursuit of joy-spreading. Joey Tribiani once said there's no such thing as a selfless good deed, so we must do what Phoebe couldn't and prove him wrong. Take pride out of the equation. It also works if, like me, you're not too good at actually being nice to people because it's lame and squirmy. Problem solved.
And the reason Kindness Ninja-ing is breaking social boundaries is because people simply don't do it. I've been known to do a 'stealth lovely' and it's either gone completely unnoticed or people say 'who washed my car for me? That's creepy...' because people don't expect people to be nice for the sake of it, without anything in it for them. How sad is that? Doesn't that need changing?
So go forth, you bloggy hunks of beauty. Write a lovely note to a friend and post it anonymously, stop someone in the street and give them some flowers, you could even K-ninja it up for people in the developing world and switch your mum's tea bags for fairtrade ones and see if she notices (mine didn't, now there are happier people in Africa. That's a fact.) Just remember, be nice, but don't tell anyone. It's a secret...
Tuesday, 4 October 2011
Under the Influence
Hello Friends,
I'd like to point out this is 2 blogs in 2 days - that is the level of dedication I have to you all (or it might have something to do with the fact I have a massive textbook next to me and no inclination to read it...) but still, 2 days in a row of bloggy fun, Hooray!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you realise that you're doing something completely out of character and you've no idea why? Or have you stopped to think 'Why did I do this? Why did I choose this?' I don't mean massive, life-altering decisions (although it would be a good idea to think those through too) I mean little things like 'Why did I pick this sandwich?' or 'When did I start wearing grey nail varnish? I hate grey...'
I ask because recently it's been happening to me a lot. It all started when I was in the bath in my parents house and was reaching for the shampoo. However, I stopped myself when I saw that it was a 2-in-1 and not a separate shampoo and conditioner situation. And I suddenly thought 'I've been living here for years, we always have 2-in-1, why am I suddenly against it?'
I know this is thrilling so far, but let me explain. In my first year at uni, I went on an ASDA trip with some girls who were lovely but I didn't know very well. One of the girls....Suzie...was buying shampoo and went to pick up a 2-in-1 when another one said 'Oh, I don't think that works as well as using shampoo, and then conditioner.' A completely innocent occurrence. Suzie bought separate bottles, her hair looked lovely, everyone was happy. But I realised that from that point onwards, and never before, I stopped getting 2-in-1s and it wasn't until I was in this bath 2 years later that I realised how much one girl's non-chalant comment had changed my opinion.
Now, if you've read any of these blogs before, you know that I am a very lazy, and, let's say it, disgusting person. That's who I am, for better or worse (mostly worse). I've gone days without showering but I suddenly freeze when there's only a 2-in-1 shampoo in the bathroom - what's up with that?
I'm not saying that those girls did some jedi mind trick on me, and now I'm sane again. They're lovely, well-meaning girls and I think that's what influenced me. Because they're quite pretty and lovely and friendly, somewhere in my head I said 'I want to be a pretty lovely friendly person. Pretty lovely friendly people use separate shampoo and conditioners. Ergo, bye bye 2-in-1'
Ok, I don't think my subconscious used the word 'ergo' but you get my point. The people we're with have a scary amount of influence on us, even right down to the little things. How we dress, what we joke about, what modules we pick on our courses are, in some way or another, affected by our friends, people we want to be around or be like. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but then it makes you wonder who's influencing me? And how much should we be caring what other people think? I would have thought that in a heartbeat I would have said 'Not one jot. Other people suck. Bit of me and a lot more of Jesus and you can leave the rest, ta.' But we are always being shaped, whether we like it or not, so should we then be trying to get shaped by people worth emulating?
And who am I influencing and how? To think that I'm rubbing off on someone (bingo) is quite a responsibility to be an awesome person to be like. What if my little blog is turning everyone who reads it into non-showering, fart happy boundary-breakers? Now there's a cool and scary thought...
I'd like to point out this is 2 blogs in 2 days - that is the level of dedication I have to you all (or it might have something to do with the fact I have a massive textbook next to me and no inclination to read it...) but still, 2 days in a row of bloggy fun, Hooray!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you realise that you're doing something completely out of character and you've no idea why? Or have you stopped to think 'Why did I do this? Why did I choose this?' I don't mean massive, life-altering decisions (although it would be a good idea to think those through too) I mean little things like 'Why did I pick this sandwich?' or 'When did I start wearing grey nail varnish? I hate grey...'
I ask because recently it's been happening to me a lot. It all started when I was in the bath in my parents house and was reaching for the shampoo. However, I stopped myself when I saw that it was a 2-in-1 and not a separate shampoo and conditioner situation. And I suddenly thought 'I've been living here for years, we always have 2-in-1, why am I suddenly against it?'
I know this is thrilling so far, but let me explain. In my first year at uni, I went on an ASDA trip with some girls who were lovely but I didn't know very well. One of the girls....Suzie...was buying shampoo and went to pick up a 2-in-1 when another one said 'Oh, I don't think that works as well as using shampoo, and then conditioner.' A completely innocent occurrence. Suzie bought separate bottles, her hair looked lovely, everyone was happy. But I realised that from that point onwards, and never before, I stopped getting 2-in-1s and it wasn't until I was in this bath 2 years later that I realised how much one girl's non-chalant comment had changed my opinion.
Now, if you've read any of these blogs before, you know that I am a very lazy, and, let's say it, disgusting person. That's who I am, for better or worse (mostly worse). I've gone days without showering but I suddenly freeze when there's only a 2-in-1 shampoo in the bathroom - what's up with that?
I'm not saying that those girls did some jedi mind trick on me, and now I'm sane again. They're lovely, well-meaning girls and I think that's what influenced me. Because they're quite pretty and lovely and friendly, somewhere in my head I said 'I want to be a pretty lovely friendly person. Pretty lovely friendly people use separate shampoo and conditioners. Ergo, bye bye 2-in-1'
Ok, I don't think my subconscious used the word 'ergo' but you get my point. The people we're with have a scary amount of influence on us, even right down to the little things. How we dress, what we joke about, what modules we pick on our courses are, in some way or another, affected by our friends, people we want to be around or be like. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but then it makes you wonder who's influencing me? And how much should we be caring what other people think? I would have thought that in a heartbeat I would have said 'Not one jot. Other people suck. Bit of me and a lot more of Jesus and you can leave the rest, ta.' But we are always being shaped, whether we like it or not, so should we then be trying to get shaped by people worth emulating?
And who am I influencing and how? To think that I'm rubbing off on someone (bingo) is quite a responsibility to be an awesome person to be like. What if my little blog is turning everyone who reads it into non-showering, fart happy boundary-breakers? Now there's a cool and scary thought...
Monday, 3 October 2011
Put it away, Love
Hello, long time no speak!
I must apologise for my delayed absence from the bloggisphere (I'm not sure if I like this word - thoughts?). Over the last few weeks I've been settling back into crazy busy student life (ok, I've been watching Doctor Who in my jammies and occasionally drinking wine but, to be fair, that pretty much sums up student life). Still, that's no excuse, forgive me, and let's get started, shall we?
Firstly, as I returned to uni, I realised that a couple of my friends here are avid readers of my blog - they're starting me a fan club - how cool is that? One friend in particular is called Percy who was pleading and begging to get a mention. I was like 'Percy, you haven't broken any social boundaries - I have to stick to the theme!' To which he replied 'Ok' and started going around and feeling up people's faces at a Christian Union BBQ. Now, I know it was on purpose, but you have to admire that kind of dedication to my little blog. Well done, Percy, I salute you. Now, back to business.
Over the last few days we've been having a bit of an indian summer. Apparently it's not an official indian summer because it wasn't cold enough before but, the point is, it's been bloody hot. Today, however, seems to be cooling down the world a bit and, although I love eating breakfast outside on the decking (yes, my student house has decking - suck it, losers!) I for one am glad to see the end of the summer for one reason: no more topless fat guys.
Now, I know I am the no-social-boundaries super nerd. I know I should be saying 'You don't want to wear a shirt? Don't wear one! Society is trying to keep you down, my brother, fight back with your sweaty man boobs.' However, I think you'll agree the term 'sweaty man boobs' does really argue my point for me - why is it always the biffers who think they are adonises, and yet I never see Tom Hardy wandering the streets of Hatfield shirtless?
I know, I know, men are not there for me to judge and leer after, and this isn't really my point. It's just that after a few days of staring at man flab, my friend Christina was also at the end of her tether and said 'you wouldn't see a girl walking around like that' to which I replied (as Christina is quite a gorgeous looking girl) 'yeah, well, if you did, they'd probably like it anyway.'
Again, you're probably expecting me to fight for the right of women to walk around in a similar fashion, and I'm all for equality, really, but I reckon this is one social boundary that actually needs tightening. Even if it's a relatively attractive guy walking around without a shirt, it's still somehow unnerving. You know you end up staring where the t shirt should be instead of the face, it's like a car crash, you can't look away. And 9 times out of 10 it's not an attractive man and you really, really want to look away. Really.
Thus, I am issuing a demand (I feel like I have the right to) Menfolk, I don't care how hot it is, and I'm sure it doesn't actually make that much of a difference, I declare that anything from pectorals to thighs must be covered at all times. If we have to keep it in our bras, so do you fellas. Fair's fair.
I must apologise for my delayed absence from the bloggisphere (I'm not sure if I like this word - thoughts?). Over the last few weeks I've been settling back into crazy busy student life (ok, I've been watching Doctor Who in my jammies and occasionally drinking wine but, to be fair, that pretty much sums up student life). Still, that's no excuse, forgive me, and let's get started, shall we?
Firstly, as I returned to uni, I realised that a couple of my friends here are avid readers of my blog - they're starting me a fan club - how cool is that? One friend in particular is called Percy who was pleading and begging to get a mention. I was like 'Percy, you haven't broken any social boundaries - I have to stick to the theme!' To which he replied 'Ok' and started going around and feeling up people's faces at a Christian Union BBQ. Now, I know it was on purpose, but you have to admire that kind of dedication to my little blog. Well done, Percy, I salute you. Now, back to business.
Over the last few days we've been having a bit of an indian summer. Apparently it's not an official indian summer because it wasn't cold enough before but, the point is, it's been bloody hot. Today, however, seems to be cooling down the world a bit and, although I love eating breakfast outside on the decking (yes, my student house has decking - suck it, losers!) I for one am glad to see the end of the summer for one reason: no more topless fat guys.
Now, I know I am the no-social-boundaries super nerd. I know I should be saying 'You don't want to wear a shirt? Don't wear one! Society is trying to keep you down, my brother, fight back with your sweaty man boobs.' However, I think you'll agree the term 'sweaty man boobs' does really argue my point for me - why is it always the biffers who think they are adonises, and yet I never see Tom Hardy wandering the streets of Hatfield shirtless?
I know, I know, men are not there for me to judge and leer after, and this isn't really my point. It's just that after a few days of staring at man flab, my friend Christina was also at the end of her tether and said 'you wouldn't see a girl walking around like that' to which I replied (as Christina is quite a gorgeous looking girl) 'yeah, well, if you did, they'd probably like it anyway.'
Again, you're probably expecting me to fight for the right of women to walk around in a similar fashion, and I'm all for equality, really, but I reckon this is one social boundary that actually needs tightening. Even if it's a relatively attractive guy walking around without a shirt, it's still somehow unnerving. You know you end up staring where the t shirt should be instead of the face, it's like a car crash, you can't look away. And 9 times out of 10 it's not an attractive man and you really, really want to look away. Really.
Thus, I am issuing a demand (I feel like I have the right to) Menfolk, I don't care how hot it is, and I'm sure it doesn't actually make that much of a difference, I declare that anything from pectorals to thighs must be covered at all times. If we have to keep it in our bras, so do you fellas. Fair's fair.
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